Valid excuse for political incorrectness

On Friday night after two full glasses of wine…

Muks: I know what is wrong about Japanese men.

Denty and Mitch: HAHAHAHAHA!

Denty: Go on then… such truth only comes out when Muks has two glasses of wine.

Muks: They have the same size head as any normal white guys, but their body is so much stumpier that they look like big headed aliens.

On the next Wednesday’s lunch hour, Muks spotted the Japanese guy in the work group that was “ostracised” by others in the group. Muks took pity on him and went sat with him during lunch. We started chatting, until…

Japanese guy: You are same old as me, 33?

Muks: *Ally McBealesque snarl*

Let it be known that Muks has a sibling that is thousands and thousands of [time unit] (unspecified) older  and the said sibling is also thousands and thousands of [time unit] (unspecified) from being 33.

Flood

I received a call at 3.30 Monday morning from my office. Me, panicking as middle of the night calls are never great, picked up the phone. A pre-recorded message came on…

“Due to the disaster in the *** office, all personnel are prohibited from entering the building until further notice. Personnel with no access to remote working facilities are not expected to produce chargeable hours.”

D’oh. I am expected at a client’s office on Monday, so no free holiday for me.

Apparently, the entire lower ground floors were flooded. Who would have thought? We’re only next to the river.

The pepperpot sMystery III

sMagic was flying to the sMagistrating place on sMinty, his sMagic Car-pet, when he saw the sMapps admiring the pretty clouds.

Strong water

I have been struck down by super ‘flu of properness (the fevers, coughs, sniffles etc) and today is my first proper day of work since the last post. Well, I am kind of working, except that I am sitting here blogging.

People who live or work with me know that I am a chain coffee drinker. All my daily (not nightly) non-food liquid intake is tainted (or enhanced, depending on the source) by coffee beans. It got to the stage of coffee-lackness makes my head hurt and me very grumpy. Due to the recent bout of ‘flu however, I did not drink any coffee. I was already headachy and grumpy, so it did not really make that much of a difference.

In trying to wean myself off coffee (since the painful bit has passed), I decided to drink hot water instead. I can’t smell or taste anything anyway. So, to get hot water, I still need to get to the vending machine in  Cup, please.

As stated earlier, the machine makes you choose 3 types of selections:

1. Cup or no cup
2. Type of drink
3. Strength of drink

So, I wanted hot water… I poked “cup”-“hot water”- and hmmm… strength of hot water??? 

I chose “strong”. I will try “mild” later and see if it makes any difference.

Eeell! Eeeellll! Terrrriblyyy terrrrriblyyyyy eeeeelll!

Muks is not happy. Muks has sore throat and headache, but not ill enough to skive off work today.

Cup, please!

My office provides free tea and coffee vending machines. The quality of the vended liquid is not great, but nobody has died from the taste so far. Me, being a cheapskate would usually make use of the facility.

The “Corporate Responsibility” malarky incorporated two options in the delivery of the beverage. You either choose the “cup” or “no cup” option.

The “cup” option is for the first cup of the day. It expels a cup into the cupholder before squirting the liquid-like stuff into it.

For your subsequent drinks, you are supposed to choose the “no cup” option. You would put your first plastic cup of the day into the cupholder and the squirting will begin.

This morning when I got to the machine for my first cup, I saw my ultimate boss standing next to it. He is the chief of forensics for all our European, Indian, Middle Eastern and African offices. Anyway, I greeted him and we exchanged pleasantries.

My fingers then went on auto-pilot and poked “no cup”-“black coffee”-“strong”. The machine went… Spffufffflltlttttttt ssfffftttttttttttt!!!

My shirt remained nice and clean. Someone’s did not. At least someone laughed.

The pepperpot sMystery II

The hearing continues…

sMeeting the sMagistrate

Very complicated sMysteries require expert determination from the following sMagistrates:

• sMagic;

• and the sMapps.

As with sMitch and sMuks, these sLugs are entirely fictional and any resemblance to any persons are purely coincidental.

The pepperpot sMystery

sMuks giving her account of the pepperpot incident.

 

Spies don’t get doughnuts

I had been looking forward to the meeting today. It was about business intelligence, or spying. I had such a great vision of blending in my surrounding, wearing branches on my head and a case full of gadgetry.

Upon my arrival at the meeting room, a large assorted box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts was put in front of me. I spent the entire hour staring at the one with the chocolate filling and caramel topping… and didn’t catch a single word.